


It wasn't me until it was

by nerdlife4eva



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends, F/F, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Inspired by Music, Love Confessions, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Unrequited Love, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-27
Updated: 2018-02-27
Packaged: 2019-03-24 13:21:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13812024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdlife4eva/pseuds/nerdlife4eva
Summary: Sara gets engaged to a man named Sergi and Mila desperately tries to let go of the love she has always had for her best friend.Inspired byMarry Me by Thomas RhettCome hang with me on Tumblr!n3rdlif343va





	It wasn't me until it was

**Author's Note:**

> This one is going without betaing because I have dumped all my zine fics on my amazing beta already lol

Mila met Sara when they were both juniors, still learning the ropes of the professional skating world. Sara with her bright eyes and high-pitched laugh which always tipped over to a squeal when she got too excited. Sara who was almost never without her brother, but who would whisper secrets into Mila’s ear whenever they found themselves alone. Sara who always a little boy crazy and was never shy about the changes happening with her body.

Mila remembered asking Sara one day, as they leaned their elbows on the barrier wall watching the boys warm up, why she liked boys so much. Tilting her head in confusion, Sara asked Mila who else she was supposed to like.

What Mila didn’t realize was that Sara was looking for an answer; she was searching for validation that there was no reason to focus her attraction solely on the boys who circled her like vultures.

It would be the first of the moments that Mila missed. She had worked so hard to shove away her attraction to Sara, telling herself that Sara needed her friendship more than she needed anything else. She held Sara when she cried, from heart break on the ice and off. She turned away when Sara focused those beautiful eyes directly on Mila’s, pretending that she didn’t feel the painful desire to tip their lips together. Mila listened to every rant about Mickey’s overprotectiveness and every excited squeal over Sara’s newest love interest. She pretended it didn’t kill her to love Sara with her whole heart and she let Sara go a little more every day.

The party was loud and all of their friends were there. Sara looked stunning in a dress of lilac which flirted with the curves of her body, her long hair hiding the open back. Like old times they snuck away to Sara’s room, stealing a moment to themselves with a bottle of sangria. Collapsing on Sara’s childhood bed together, Mila rested her head on her bent elbow staring at the goofy glow-in-the-dark stars still stuck to Sara’s ceiling. This was a feeling she would cling to forever, no matter where they went, she would remember the sound of their laughter weaving together in the small bedroom.

“Hey Mila,” Sara was on her side, leaning into Mila’s space, her eyes searching Mila’s face. Mila’s heart stopped beating when Sara’s hand touched her cheek, her eyes fluttering as her best friend lowered herself toward Mila’s lips.

The door banged open, revealing Mickey. Sara sat up with a laugh, pushing her hair back.

“Sergi is looking for you, little sister.” There was a vibration to Mickey’s voice that made Mila’s stomach drop. She had seen Sara’s boyfriend idly playing with something in his pocket for most of the night and she knew that as soon as Sara walked out of the room, all of her worst fears were going to come true.

“Ok,” Sara smiled, with a hint of what Mila thought was sadness, uncurling from Mila’s side and slipping off of the bed. “Mila had a bit too much to drink,” crossing the room, Sara hooked her arm in Mickey’s looking back over her shoulder. “I’m sure she’ll be down in a minute.”

They disappeared as Mila felt the tears well up behind her eyes. Counting backwards from one hundred, she forced herself to breathe. Putting one foot in front of the other, she left Sara’s room, refusing to look back on what could’ve been. Each step brought her closer to the sound of happy screams and celebratory shouts. Finally turning the corner, she saw Sara being swung in the air by Sergi, the sparkle of her brand new diamond impossible to miss. For a moment, Mila caught Sara’s eyes, nodding and giving her a thumbs up.

A flask appeared at Mila’s elbow and she looked up to find Georgi standing next to her, his smile quietly understanding. Accepting the flask, Mila drank to what she had lost, mentally saying her goodbyes to the love of her life.

* * *

 

It had been a year. A year since the moment that Sara had said yes to Sergi’s proposal and slammed the door on the remaining hope that Mila had foolishly held in her heart. A year since they had almost kissed lying on the girly floral of Sara’s childhood bed.

In the course of that year, Mila had steeled herself against her own heart. She had pulled away, relieved when Sara said that her only attendant would be Mickey as her best man. Mila could play the role of best friend, but standing next to her as Sara pledged her love to someone else was too much for Mila to handle.

On the day of the wedding, Mila pulled on her favorite suit, knotting her favorite skinny tie over her dress shirt which she knew was Sara’s favorite color of purple. She slid her feet into her designer heels, straightening her shoulders and staring herself down in the mirror. Mila could see the pain in her own eyes, but she forced a smile on her face, prepared to hide it away one last time.

* * *

 

Flowers hung from every line of chairs, the smell of lavender and lilac dancing through the backyard of Sara’s family home. Memories of playing fairies and having picnics floated through Mila’s mind, crashing painfully against the memories of playing wedding, Sara’s stuffed animals lined up in the same way the guests were seated now. In their game, Sara always married Mila, and Mila felt her heart shatter in her chest at the strength of that memory.

Every time she told herself she could do this was a lie. The weight of those lies settled on Mila’s shoulders as she peered over the wedding guests. Resting her gift on the table with the others, her fingers trailed over the pictures on display. Her hand stalled at the picture of her and Sara, arms thrown over each other’s shoulders at the first Olympic opening ceremony they had shared. Picking the picture up, Mila watched as her single tear splashed on the glass.

She couldn’t do it. No matter how much she loved Sara, she couldn’t stay and watch this happen. Laying the photograph down on the table, Mila walked away, moving around the house and taking off at a sprint toward her car.

She pulled over at the twenty-four hour restaurant, unsure of how she had gotten there. Memories clung to this place too; late night pig out sessions, nursing broken hearts with bread and sweet soda, and recovering from ill-advised nights of too much drinking. Everywhere Mila turned the memory of Sara was going to haunt her. It didn’t matter though, Mila wanted to feel the pain. Slamming her car door shut, she moved blindly toward the restaurant, slumping into their usual table with a sad smile at the waitress.

Somehow she would move on. Today was the last day that she would let her heart hope. In the past year, she had convinced herself that Sara would wake up and realize that Sergi wasn’t the person she was supposed to be with. She had driven herself mad wishing that Mickey had only given them five more minutes in Sara’s room, let her mind whirl around the possibility that a single kiss could have changed everything.

This wasn’t a fairy tale though. In real life, Sara married the rich hockey player who could bench press more than his Neanderthal weight. Mila didn’t get the girl and there was no happily ever after. Accepting the glass of wine from the waitress, Mila tipped it back, consuming the contents of the glass in one move.

The patter of rain against the glass made Mila glance out of the window. Her heart stopped.

A vision in white lace and silk stood on the sidewalk, tears causing makeup-stained streaks across her cheeks. Mila shook her head, pinching her eyes shut to rid herself of the illusion, daring to look back out into the rain. As Sara’s carefully braided up-do began to fail under the assault of the rain, Mila stood up.

They crashed into each other on the sidewalk, arms wrapping around the other’s body. Sobs caused them both to shake as the rain poured down on their faces, blending with their tears.

“I couldn’t do it,” Sara whimpered, clinging to Mila with her head buried against Mila’s shoulder. “All day I have felt sick. All year if I am being honest. Then…” she choked, bringing her face up to peer at Mila. “I had my dad’s arm, we were walking past the tables with all of the pictures and I saw it. Our picture, laying down while the rest still stood. I… I couldn’t marry him…”

“Why?” Mila ran her hands over Sara’s face, wiping away tears and rain drops. The hope was back and it was crushing Mila, but she couldn’t stop herself from asking the question.

“You,” Sara whispered, her voice steadier now as she raised her own hand, pushing Mila’s hair from her face. “I’m in love with you. I always have been. And even if you don’t love me back, I couldn’t…”

Mila moved. Tilting Sara’s head with a simple press of her fingers, Mila moved to kiss her best friend. She kept it soft, even as all the love that Mila had hidden away poured from her, she tried to hold back her desperation. When it ended, Mila lingered near Sara’s lips. “I love you. I always have. Always will.”

As the sun broke through the rain clouds, they entered the restaurant holding hands, ready to face all the feelings that had always existed silently between them.


End file.
